Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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