His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
