Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
