Already got asked if we're dating
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
