it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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