her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
