If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
