I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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