Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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