I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
