some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
