Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
