matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize