I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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