Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
