I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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