last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
