the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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