Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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