just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
