my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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