there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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