Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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