you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
