remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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