i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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