who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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