Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm like, not good at living.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
