i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
