I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
