Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
