drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
