I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
