i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
