I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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