I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
