she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
