Duck Duck Cougar?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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