this beer tastes like vomit already
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
