I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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