Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize