I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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