i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
