He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
