if i died would you start the facebook group?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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