Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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