I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize