the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
