Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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