If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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