My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
