Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
