I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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