You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
