Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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