I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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