i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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