Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
