please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
