Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
