then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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