i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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