all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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