my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My balls are so social today.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
