your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
