I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
