wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
