I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
