Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
