Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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