Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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