now i know why i became what i already was.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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