oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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