She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
