nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
