Your tits are I can't wait for
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
