listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
