i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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