I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
