I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
