What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
