i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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