let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
